Maria's lists

Top 5 Things People Said That Moved Me To Record Them On My Cell's Notepad

1. "Hit Gaborik. Harder. Nail him!" -- fan, Row 2, Canucks vs. Wild, 2007

2. "That's sheer f*ckery!" -- some dude on bus, overheard by my friend Jim, 2007

3. "Got any money?"
"No, sorry."
"I HATE YOU C*NT!" -- Robson St. wino, to my friend Lorraine, early 2008

4. "Got any money?"
"No."
"Huh. That ass needs some work." -- Richards St. wino, to Lorraine, a few weeks later

5. "You're making me hard!" -- former student (drunk), having meant to say, "You're making it
hard for me [to open this bottle of soju]!"


Richmond Highlights

"Adult Used Magazine and Movie Trade-In Center" (media concern, No. 3 Road North)

"chicken provincial" (menu selection, Richmond Center Mall food court)

"Modern Dinning" (enticement to patronize a now-defunct No. 3 Road North eatery)

"Tong Lee Hair Saloon" (No. 3 Road barber shop)

"Hand Painted Oil Paintings" (Mother's Day flier, published by Canada Oil Paintings de Art Center)


Catholic -Variety Guilt I Still Harbor Over Empirically Meaningless Juvenile Infractions

1. Unsuccessful clandestine attempt to glue broken plastic hairband back together with dandelion sap

2. "Loaner" Girl Guide cookie boosted from my friend Kim's parents' deep freeze

3. That time I was bored at my grandparents' place so I plugged the bathroom sink and left the faucet on to drip, "to see what would happen"; seeing the WC under a foot of water a few hours later

4. That time Kim and I put a piece of ham steak in my baby brother's diaper (?)

5. Kicking chunks of veneer off the baseboard of our old piano/reading novels with right hand while "working on bass-clef chording" with the left (tie)

(many thanks to McSweeney's for the format idea)